Updated: Jan 27, 2022
Have you ever started a new relationship and weren’t quite sure what you were looking for? You have an idea of what you wanted because he/she resembled qualities that were attractive to you. But as the dust settled and the honeymoon phase was over, you found yourself continuing in a relationship that didn’t feel good. You began to question your potential mate’s behavior and possibly asked yourself these questions:
- Why doesn’t he/she call me more often? Why is he/she always texting me?
- Why does he/she get so angry over minor issues?
- Why is he/she rarely available when I call? Is he/she that busy?
- Why is he/she vague about his/her whereabouts?
- Why does he/she only come over after 9:00 p.m. on the weekday?
- Why does he/she get so cranky when I ask him/her to attend a function with me?
- Why did he/she say in the beginning of the relationship he/she wanted children, and now
changed his/her mind?
- Why hasn’t he/she ever invited me over his/her home?
- Why haven’t I met any of his/her close friends?
- Why is he/she always financially broke?
- Why doesn’t he/she have any motivation for more?
- Why did he/she lie about being separated from his/her spouse?
- Why does he/she shut down instead of communicating?
When you don’t have a standard for your relationships, you will find yourself settling for whatever the person gives you even though you know it doesn’t sit right with you.
Once I realized I was settling for less than I deserved in my past relationships, I created a “list of non-negotiables” for future relationships.
What is a list of non-negotiables”? I’m glad you asked. Everyone needs something from a potential partner to stay in that relationship. These are things that make you feel important and want to continue in that relationship.
However, if you choose to settle for less than you know you deserve, you begin to lose yourself in that relationship. You begin to lose your worth and start changing little pieces of yourself to remain in that relationship.
I would suggest you begin to journal about what is important to you to remain in a relationship. Be realistic! I would suggest you start out with five items that are very important to you and build from there. Once I realized my tendency to settle for less in relationships, I created a “list of non-negotiables” of things I refused to compromise. If the individual met the requirements of 4 out of 5, I chose not to invest any more time in that relationship. I refused to make excuses for the sake of being in a relationship.